Just a Reminder

I suppose it's human nature that we know what we need to do, yet we still need gentle reminders to encourage us to follow through.

That's how I feel about General Conference.

I know what I need to do and say to be happy and how I need to treat people and what thoughts should be in my mind. But that doesn't mean I do it. So I'm grateful for the nudge I get when the Church leaders speak to us every six months.

I felt like I went into conference with a "broken heart and a contrite spirit" as I had a lot of questions on my plate that I was seeking answers to. I needed peace with the smorgasbord of thoughts and feelings I was dealing with and felt like each speaker was directing their talk straight to me.

In a talk from October 2007, Bruce D. Porter of the Seventy said, "Those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit are willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them". I knew that my way of doing things was not working and I needed a spiritual intervention.

One of the General Conference talks that really stuck out to me was from Elder Shayne M. Bowen of the Seventy, from Saturday morning. He spoke of losing his son when he was eight months old, and the pain and anguish he felt.

This has been a fear of mine since I found out I was pregnant with The Lime. I spotted every day of my first trimester and was constantly on edge, wondering if I would lose the baby. A sense of relief came over me on the first day of the second trimester, when the spotting suddenly stopped. Then he was born and I made sure to keep any "extras" out of his crib and to always lay him on his back, to prevent SIDS. I've always been paranoid but having kids has made it worse.

Which is why I am terrified to have another child. I have too many friends and acquaintances that have lost their children either in utero, shortly after birth, or well into their childhood.

This is selfish of me, I know, trust me. Yet it's still something that really scares me and if I can prevent myself from hurting, I try to.

But what else would I be preventing? A sweet little spirit to gain a body? A family from growing? A testimony from strengthening?

My favorite quote from the talk was, "I was reminded of the teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, who taught this comforting doctrine: “The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again".

I.love.this!

I'm sitting here, bawling, because it has completely changed my thoughts on the situation. What a beautiful way to think about a tragic loss. To realize that this life isn't it, that there's more to look forward to, is something that I know.

I just needed a reminder.