Ready, Aim, Fire

Over the years, I've come to realize that my grandmothers are/were worry warts.  They were always worried the babies would get trampled by the older kids, or they'd be late to an appointment, or their personal belongings would fall out of their walkers and into the trunk of my car and the item would be lost forever.  Lots of worrying.

That's who I blame my excessive worrying on.  I worry about everything!  If I have an appointment early in the morning, I set my alarm but never get a full nights sleep because I worry my alarm won't go off.  When Doodlebug cries during church, I worry about who might be annoyed with us.  Thursdays are bathroom cleaning day and I worry that I'll accidentally get bleach on my clothes.  You name it, I worry about it.  It's no way to live.

If you turn the news on up here, you're guaranteed a handful of stories about someone getting shot.  Add that to my list of things to worry about it.  Guns intimidate me, big time.  I'm not against them being in the hands of someone responsible but let's be honest, they are meant to do harm.  I just always hope I'm not on the receiving end.

LaVor has been wanting to take me shooting for a loooooooong time but I've been too chicken.  It's like me going in the ocean past my knees.  No thank you!  The ocean is a huge force I don't want to reckon with.  Same with guns.  Powerful, loud, deadly...ack!  But we all have to do things we don't like sometimes.  Or at least that's what I tell The Lime.

My parents were in town to watch Doodlebug and The Lime was at a friend's house so LaVor and I went to the range last week.  Why it had to be in the ghetto, I don't know.  But most things around here are in the ghetto.  When we got there, and I heard the shooting, I just about jumped out of my skin.  What was I thinking?!  Thankfully, the gentleman who reviewed everything with me was confident, funny, and informative.  And LaVor knew what he was doing so I was in good hands.

Holding a loaded gun might be one of the scariest things I've ever done.  I was extremely slow in shooting.  Partly because I was nervous but also because I didn't want to blow through $12 in a matter of seconds.  The group next to us, shooting rifles, didn't help my situation.  I felt like I was bowling and had to wait for the guy to bowl next to me so I could fully concentrate on what I was doing.  Only this time, I had a deadly weapon in my hands.  Am I the only one that closes their eyes when they pull the trigger?  I had visible proof on my forehead that casings were flying everywhere.  And there's a wide array of shooters in this area, let me tell you.  If you can think of a stereotype, they were there with us.

I told LaVor on the way home, now that I've held and shot a gun, I can't comprehend how these crooks and thugs go around shooting people like it's nothing.  Such disregard for human life baffles me.  And some of those people are kids!  Frightening and sad.

With that said, if I ever have to defend myself against said crooks or thugs, I might have a chance.  As long as I have enough time to breathe and relax, they're standing completely still, and are only 5 yards away from me.

Grab a Tissue

When I had my 20 week ultrasound, the technician mentioned that there was a chance we might receive a phone call from the Radiologist or my doctor, but not to be alarmed because she didn't see anything (even though I think she did). Prior to the ultrasound, I denied having the tests done to see if the baby had Down syndrome. When I was pregnant with The Lime, our insurance wouldn't confirm whether or not they'd cover the procedure until the claim was submitted. I figured the same situation would take place this time around. Plus, if they did find something, it's not like we would terminate the pregnancy.

I had my ultrasound on a Monday and that Friday, I was making dinner and my phone rang. I didn't get to it fast enough and the person didn't leave a message. I Googled the number and saw it was from my medical group but since I didn't know who specifically called me, I didn't return the call.

About an hour later, I checked my e-mail and saw the results from the ultrasound. I briefly scanned it and then came across some unusual notes: "Fetal bilateral choroid plexus cysts. Left fetal renal borderline pelviectasis of 4.2 mm. Further evaluation with level II sonogram should be considered."

"Cysts" stood out to me since I've had them since I was little, so I initially thought they saw something regarding my body. Then I, again, turned to Google and realized it was the baby who had the cysts, and they were in his brain. Big mistake, that Googling was. LaVor hates that I try to look things up on my own and insisted I call the doctor back rather than trying to come to my own conclusions. I told him I didn't know if it was the doctor who called me since the number was for the switchboard. I ended up calling the number, just to end the argument, and didn't get anywhere. The office was closed and I'd have to wait until Monday before finding out any additional information regarding my baby. I spent the next three days reading anything and everything, and came to the conclusion that because of what they found in the ultrasound, our baby either had Down syndrome or trisomy 18.

That was the longest weekend ever. I cried, a lot. Thankfully, it was also Fast Sunday, so we asked our families to remember our babe as they fasted. My sweet brother wrote me a note and gave me the comforting news that three out of his five kids had the same cysts and the cysts were gone by the next ultrasound. I was hoping for the same results!

My doctor did call the following week and told me the specialist would be calling me to set up an appointment for another ultrasound. While I knew I'd have to wait for things to clear up, I wanted answers NOW. I had the second ultrasound two weeks later and the doctor confirmed that everything looked great; no cysts and the baby's kidney was of normal size.

Even with the happy news, I still didn't feel like I had a 100% confirmation that nothing was wrong with the baby.

Let me backtrack to many years ago. I've always felt like LaVor and I would have a child with a disability. I'm not sure why, it's just always been in the back of my mind. When we found out the results from the initial ultrasound, we were lifted up with words of encouragement, that our baby would be loved no matter what, and if there was something wrong, we'd be the best parents for that baby. Those weren't my worries, though. I know we would love that baby to death and that The Lime would be the best big brother. What scared me was thinking about the challenging life he would live. Would people make fun of him? Would he be able to take advantage of the same opportunities as other kids? How would he handle his disability?

I've tried not to think about it since there's nothing I can do, and LaVor and I don't talk about it. But the thoughts are still there, lingering in the background.

I came across this video today and seem to have had my questions answered. If this baby is born with Down syndrome, his life will be hard, just like everyone else has trials. But he'll be happy, successful, helpful, and loved, no matter what.

It's a Twister

It's been raining off and on the last couple of days, preventing us from going outside to play baseball.  When The Lime woke up from his nap today, he looked outside and noticed the rain had stopped.  He couldn't get outside fast enough to start hitting some balls.

While the rain had stopped, there were still some crazy clouds in the sky, as well as the sun, and a rainbow.  We weren't outside for more than 15 minutes before it started raining again so we headed back inside.

When LaVor got home from work, he went in the backyard to check on some things and called me outside.  "Look at that," he said.

The clouds were spinning at an outrageous rate and a funnel cloud had formed.  You could see it was trying to touch down but then it'd go back up.  It was moving west to east and was making its way toward our house.  It wasn't too long after that LaVor got a notice on his phone that there was a tornado warning and we should seek shelter.

But did we?

Nope.

We went out to the front yard to get a better look, as did the rest of our neighborhood.  Everyone had their cameras and phones, documenting this unusual event.  A neighbor down the street, who has lived in this area her entire life, said she's never seen a tornado.  

Part of me was curious like everyone else but the other part of me was nervous that the cloud would change its course and come back in our direction.  And while it obviously wasn't a huge one, I still didn't want to find out what it could do.  

The warning was lifted about an hour later and things were back to normal.  A few homes suffered minor damage but it was nothing like what the Midwest sees. I can't even imagine the fear people experience while living through a tornado. And then to realize the destruction that has taken place. Man! I would get the heck out of dodge, for sure.

I've decided I prefer earthquakes, where there's no warning, as opposed to tornados, where you can see them coming and have time to freak out prepare.

The Verdict Is In

The Monday after The Lime's cashew incident, I called his Pediatrician to get a referral to an Allergist.  The soonest appointment the Allergist had was a month out, and our anniversary, but we took what we could get.  The appointment time was also during The Lime's nap and they said to plan to be there about 2-3 hours.  I.could.hardly.contain.my.excitement.

I didn't mention anything to The Lime until just a few days ago, and I only told him we were going to the doctor.  When we pulled into the parking lot today, he asked, "Where's my other doctor?"  The kid is so aware of his surroundings.

We walked in, presented the receptionist with all of the paperwork, sat down, and waited our turn.  I could not believe how many kids (especially boys) were there for allergy shots.  The Lime kept hearing the word "shot" and kept asking if he was going to get one.  I didn't know exactly what our appointment would entail but I reminded him how brave Sister Bear was when she got her shot from Dr. Grizzly.

Finally, we were called back and The Lime had to take off all his gear so the nurse could get his weight.  Thank goodness the nurse brought in some blocks that helped us pass the time as we waited and waited and waited for the doctor.  (Just as a note, since working in a dental office, I totally understand that professionals get behind, and I do my best to be patient and understanding.)

The doctor finally came in and I told him why we were there (cashews) and he explained when someone has a cashew allergy, they're more than likely allergic to pistachios, too.  Strange, since The Lime has had pistachios and nothing happened.  He went ahead and ordered a seasonal allergy panel as well as tests for cashews and pistachios.  Another nurse came in a short while later and wrote on The Lime's back what tests would be done.  She then applied a very tiny dot of each allergen and said if the dot resembled a mosquito bite after the fifteen minute waiting period, that meant The Lime was allergic.  Also, The Lime couldn't touch his back during that time, which proved to be the hardest part of the test.

It took less than a minute for The Lime to start reacting and he began sobbing because it itched so bad.  Thankfully we had episodes of Daniel Tiger to keep him distracted and I blew on his back to help relieve some of the itch.  When I'd try and catch my breath, he'd immediately say, "Keep blowing!"  He didn't quite understand what getting lightheaded and dizzy meant.

When the nurse came in to read the results, there was no doubt what he was allergic to.

Grass (knew that), cashews, and sure enough, pistachios.

So, we got a prescription for EpiPens and are now one of those families that will have to tell everyone wherever we go to not give The Lime certain nuts.  I hate worrying about things (I wouldnt be surprised if I have ulcers or am on the verge of getting them) and now I've added one more thing to my list.

But at least we know and knowing is half the battle.

Soda Pop

Much to my dismay, The Lime is a sodaholic. Because you always seem to want what you can't have, right? He also just recently started calling it soda pop. He can't remember where he learned that.

After 12 years together, I finally shared an embarrassing part of my life with LaVor. I used to have a huge fear of having to go to the bathroom when a bathroom wouldn't be readily available. So road trips were a nightmare because I had to pee every half hour, whether I really had to go or not. I also avoided any beverages other than water because I was convinced they went through me faster, thus making me go to the bathroom. Soda was at the top of the list with Snapple close behind. LaVor said it was a good thing I waited to tell him all of this because he might have changed his mind about me. Silly goose.

That's where my dislike of soda started. Then I went to culinary school and took a nutrition class where I learned more about artificial sweeteners. The fact that diet soda can actually be worse than regular soda startled me, even though I don't consume diet drinks.

Then I was exposed to proper dental hygiene and realized soda could do a number on pearly whites. In fact, a combination of video games, Mountain Dew, a lack of brushing and a lack of flossing could cause a $10,000+ disaster. The suggestion of drinking through a straw to limit the amount of soda that touches the teeth doesn't fly with me.

While I try to avoid the stuff, The Lime can't get enough of it. In fact, I think he consumed more soda during our trip than I have in the last year. You might be asking, "You're the parent, why don't you just tell him he can't have it?" Remember he's a sodaholic? If he's around it, he'll find a way to drink it. And it's everywhere! The kid can spot a soda machine from a mile away.

He prefers root beer and orange, both of which leave a nice stain. I cringe when I see what it does to things on the outside, I can only imagine what his insides look like.

So from here on out, we are water and milk drinkers. The Lime might hate me but his teeth and body will thank me for years to come. At least until he gets a job and insurance and can pay for his own choices.

What a Day!

Last Saturday was filled with two exciting trips to the grocery store. When we found out it was going to be so hot this weekend, we agreed to get out of the house and do something fun.

The morning started at 5:30 when my alarm first went off. I rolled over to see how light it was outside and decided it wasn't light enough so I reset it for 5:45. The temptation to stay in bed was strong but I really need to start training for the walk and with how hot it was going to be, I needed an early start. I was dressed, fed, stretched, and ready to go by 6:15. Despite stepping in a huge puddle and having soaked feet for over 4 miles, the 6.5 mile walk felt good.

I got home in less than two hours and immediately started getting ready, since the boys were both still asleep. While I finished my routine, LaVor looked up some places where we could go to cool off. By 9:30, we were out the door, headed for Donner Lake.

The whole way there, The Lime said he would stay in the car and watch LaVor and me play in the water (Yikes! He totally got that from me! That's what I say when he and LaVor run through the sprinklers.) but once he saw the lake, he decided it would probably be more fun to participate.

Everyone had the same idea as we did and the lake was packed. We drove a little further down the freeway and ended up finding a nice spot in a calm section of the Truckee River. The Lime and LaVor immediately jumped in while I admired from the "shore". It only took me a few minutes before the heat from the sun forced me into the water, as well, and it was cold!

LaVor brought his chair into the river and it provided a nice combination of just enough water to keep you cool but still being able to feel the warmth of the sun over a majority of your body.

The water was amazing and completely inviting. Raft after raft passed us of people just floating along. Combine the relaxation with the serene scenery and it was a perfect combination.

There was the cutest red canoe across the river from us. We think it belonged to a cabin nearby, but I really wanted to take it home and mount it somewhere :o)

We took a break from playing in the water and passed around some snacks.

I had been eating cashews and asked LaVor if he wanted some. He did, so I tossed the bag over to where he and The Lime were sitting. The Lime immediately said, "I don't like cashews!" even though he's never tried one. LaVor offered one to him and after licking it, he decided it might not be so bad after all. After a few bites, he started crying but it wasn't a normal cry. He was saying his mouth/throat hurt and his mouth was filling up with saliva. We weren't sure if he choked on a little piece, or if maybe he didn't chew well enough and a rough edge got him. Then the thought of him having an allergic reaction popped into our heads. Within about a minute, we grabbed all of our things and rushed back to the car, while The Lime continued crying.

The Lime has had horrible seasonal allergies and has suffered with itchy eyes, a runny nose, and a never ending cough. He started coughing at the river and continued to do so for the next hour. We were on the hunt for Benadryl and stopped at 7-11, since it was the first store we saw. LaVor returned with a blue slurpee but no medicine so we continued down the road. It was obvious The Lime wasn't feeling good (aside from the crying and hacking) but when he didn't touch the slurpee, that's when we knew something was wrong. We finally found a drug store and while getting the Benadryl, The Lime took a few sips of his drink. A small relief, as at least he could swallow. But I think the cold made his cough worse which made him cry more because it made his stomach hurt. Meanwhile, his eyes were itching like crazy and he started to get a few bumps on his neck.

He took the medicine and we rushed down the freeway, hoping to find the nearest hospital (which ended up being an hour away). The Lime was extremely irritable and continued to cough until the Benadryl kicked in and he was able to fall asleep, as I sat next to him staring at his chest to ensure it was moving up and down.

Since his condition improved on the ride home, we opted not to stop at the hospital but continue on to our house. While things were scary for a while, we were relieved when our prayers were answered and he woke up his normal self. When we offered him a strawberry shake with french fries and he grinned from ear to ear, we knew our kiddo was back.

Nuts have not been an issue with him before so we didn't give it a second thought when we offered him one. But I will most certainly be calling his Doctor on Monday to set up some tests.

And we'll keep the cashews under lock and key.

H2O2

We always had a water bottle in the bathroom growing up, so when us girls did our hair, we could saturate the sides to ensure we didn't have whispies.  By brother failed to tell my sister that he had replaced the water in an old bottle with hydrogen peroxide.  It didn't take long for Amy to realize the "water" was lightening her hair.  Things were labeled after that incident.

We have a fruit tree in our front yard that we've determined produces tiny plums.  We originally thought they were cherries so now The Lime calls them plum cherries.  The suckers are covering our front lawn so we try to avoid walking on it if we can.  When The Lime and I were packing the car last Friday, I rolled the luggage over the edge of the lawn, lifted the bag into the car, looked down and saw my only worn once pair of pants had two huge red stains from the plum cherries.  I was SO mad!  I didn't have time to wash the pants so I dabbed a cotton ball of hydrogen peroxide on the stains and laid the pants out.  When we left, the stains were staring me down and I had little hope the pants would be wearable again.

The second we got home on Sunday, I ran to the laundry room and had to search for the stains!  That magic cotton ball worked miracles!  After I brought the pants to the light, I could still see a faint stain so I mixed hydrogen peroxide and dish soap, brushed the stains with an old tooth brush, let them dry overnight and then ran them through the wash.  I pulled them out and they were completely stain free!  Hallelujah!  Such a relief!

Now I need to work the magic on my new shoes that got a stain.

The Move...dun dun dun!

It's probably been just over a year since LaVor first brought up the possibility of moving. His boss mentioned, at one point, that there might be a job opening at one of their other stores, and he would have liked to see LaVor advance to the new position. Months went by and there was no other talk of it. Then it was briefly mentioned again but then put on the back burner.

About six months ago is when it got real. His boss initially planned for LaVor to start the new position in February but only if they hired someone for his old position. February came and went and nobody was hired. Then LaVor's start date was moved to April 1, whether the old position was filled or not.

I always told LaVor that if a move was for his job, I would support him 100%. But it's easier said than done.

Despite one of my sister's and my parents now living in the area we'd be moving to, I still had extreme hesitations. I would be leaving my job that I had for over seven years, the area that I knew and loved my entire life, my other sister and her family, good friends at church, and everything that I was familiar and comfortable with.

We had dinner with some friends prior to us leaving and they asked how we were feeling about everything. LaVor was extremely excited to start his new position but I was a wreck. Nicole shared a quote with me that she had hanging in her bedroom.

 

I exclaimed that my faith must not be very bright because I only saw a dark tunnel ahead. But I tried to keep that quote in the back of my mind during the process.

Four weeks before moving, I gave notice to my work. I believe the exact phrase when I told them we were moving was, "Oh crap!" It was very surreal and I didn't think leaving would impact me the way it did.

LaVor and I were on the hunt for a new house and spent hours searching through rentals. We looked at over ten houses and nothing felt right, which nearly gave me an ulcer. I worried and cried and prayed and pleaded that we would find a home. With just over a week before the move, we found a house and everything was set. The only thing was, I had only seen pictures of the house and was relying on LaVor to make the ultimate decision. Faith, my friends!

My last day of work was also my birthday and I was showered with hugs, gifts, sweet messages and love as my co-workers treated me to a going away lunch. With lunch ending, it was only a matter of a few hours when I would have to say my goodbyes and it was tough! A month later, I'm still crying thinking about leaving my friends. I was given a wonderful opportunity to dabble in something I never thought I would and I made some amazing friends and memories while doing so.

Christmas Party 2012

The last few days were spent packing and packing and packing.  The day before the actual move, we got our keys and I got to see the home for the first time.  It was the nicest out of all the ones we looked at but I think my overall negative feelings about moving trumped any excitement that tried to sneak in.

The Lime spent the night at my sister's house on Friday so we could start packing without a little person running around.  I was glad that he had one last hoorah with his cousins best friends.  My parents also arrived on Friday night with the moving truck and we couldn't find a reason why we just shouldn't start loading it up that night.  It was real and actually happening and there was nothing I could do about it.  We.were.moving.

Saturday morning arrived and the remainder of the loading took place as well as a whirlwind of cleaning.  As tasks began to diminish, people began to leave.  Soon enough, everything was ready to go and I had to say my final goodbyes.  I bawled the entire time I drove, which I shouldn't have done since The Lime was in the car.  I bawled when we arrived at the new house, I bawled when I returned the moving truck, and I'm sure I cried that night.

It's been a month since we moved in and although I'm not bawling, I'm still getting used to everything.  I had to put my pictures on the walls during our first week here because I needed something familiar.  We've had one thing after another happen with our home but are now in a good place *knock on wood*.

I learned, throughout this entire experience, that I am not cut out for moving.  It has been an extremely difficult thing for me to take on, and not just physically (that was probably the easiest part) but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I have had to rely on my Heavenly Father a lot, and have seen the atonement firsthand.

Prior to moving, I was on my way home from work one night when a thought came to me.  When I was probably 12 or 13, I remember a new member of our ward reading a caption from Sister Okazaki in Sacrament meeting.  

"Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. 

But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. 

That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, "And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief. 

You know that people who live above a certain latitude and experience very long winter nights can become depressed and even suicidal, because something in our bodies requires whole spectrum light for a certain number of hours a day. Our spiritual requirement for light is just as desperate and as deep as our physical need for light. Jesus is the light of the world. We know that this world is a dark place sometimes, but we need not walk in darkness. The people who sit in darkness have seen a great light, and the people who walk in darkness can have a bright companion. We need him, and He is ready to come to us, if we'll open the door and let him." 

We sang Lead, Kindly Light at church on Sunday and a line in the second verse struck home with me.

"I loved to choose and see my path; but now, Lead thou me on!"

I am fully aware that I am a control freak.  I like to plan and execute my plans in a strict manner.  I am a "by the book" type of girl and hate being "free".  But sometimes I can't be in control and I have to rely on others, but especially Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I have certainly had to rely on them throughout this entire experience.

It is extremely comforting to know that when things get rough, that's when our Savior and Heavenly Father are closest.  Whether it be moving to a new place or experiencing a tragedy mentioned above, Jesus Christ felt it and overcame it so we don't have to.  We are not alone and will never be alone.

We just have to have a little faith.  Or a lot, in my case.
  

Caught on Camera

I'm waiting for my birthday to (hopefully) get an iTunes gift card, so I can download some songs. Until then, I just listen to them on YouTube for free.

While listening to songs last night, I looked at the suggested videos on the right hand side of the screen and saw one about the Boxing Day Tsunami in 2004.  I didn't know very much about the disaster and my curiosity got the best of me.  The video was only ten minutes and I had ten minutes to spare so I put my earbuds in and clicked play.

I finished the video and realized there were six more ten minute videos to watch.  I couldn't stop at the first one so I continued on.

The documentary, Tsunami: Caught on Camera, is a compilation of personal videos that people took before, during, and after the tsunami hit.  Most of the people involved were tourists, visiting different countries for Christmas.  There were a couple families, newlyweds, bachelors, and locals that contributed.

I did fine through the first couple of clips but then things changed, the earthquake hit, and the tsunami was coming.

(If you want to watch it, scroll down and bypass my spoilers)

The scene that started it all for me was a German family standing on the beach,  watching the tide suddenly go out, and wondering what was going on.  They could see the waves crashing in the distance but had no clue how large they were until they saw a military ship get sucked into the ocean.  At that point, the husband, who was filming, yelled to his wife to run.  They screamed back and forth and then the wife said, "I can't carry both children by myself!"  The father took their oldest daughter, who through her tears started saying, "I want to go home!"  That's when I lost it.

The thought of the fears that these people faced, initially not knowing what was happening, then realizing they were in danger and within seconds, having to run for their lives.  Then the fear of not knowing if you'd come out alive, if your children would be safe, what the aftermath would be like.  I just couldn't imagine.

At this point, LaVor went to bed and I told him I'd be there in a couple of minutes.

One of the next scenes was an interview with a mother and father, who were vacationing in Sri Lanka.  They took their 5 year old daughter, Isabella, with them as they thought she'd be old enough for the plane ride and to really enjoy the vacation.  They had a leisurely morning and were in their room when the tsunami hit.  The mother described the scene of them running for safety, with her daughter in her arms, gripping her neck tightly.  She talked about the difficulty breathing and the fear of drowning.  Then a large wave hit and took Isabella out of her mother's arms and swept her away.

I had to stop watching there.  I was either going to have horrible nightmares or cry myself to sleep.  And I did the later.

I got into bed and LaVor asked if I had been crying.  I told him I was and he asked why.  I described the clips of the German family and when I mentioned Isabella, I burst into tears.  I told him, "I just couldn't imagine".

When the shooting in Connecticut took place, I was of course sad but I never cried.  Which is so unusual for me because I clearly don't have a problem expressing my emotions.  I actually wondered why I wasn't feeling more upset about the situation.  I saw so many other people express such grief that I began to think I was a cold-hearted human being. 

I don't know what's different about the tsunami but I've been crying all day and can't stop thinking about the thousands of people who tragically lost their lives.  Maybe it's the raw footage and seeing the dead bodies and hearing the stories first hand.  I don't know but it has certainly affected me.

I want to hug The Lime a little longer, kiss LaVor every chance I get, and continuously give thanks to my Heavenly Father for all that he's blessed me with.

Because I really just can't imagine.

Passing Out

I've had an issue with passing out my entire life. 

The most extreme case was when I was in the 7th grade, practicing on the basketball courts with the Marching Band.  Our teacher had us at a ten-hut for way too long and I locked my knees, which sent me crashing to the ground.  I remember my vision closing in and everything turning black.  Then I woke up to a crowd around me, including the mean teacher that kept us there too long (and who had the WORST sweat stains under his armpits.  I'm talking bright yellow, permanently embedded...ugh!).  I was so embarrassed when it happened but felt extremely loved the next day, when everyone checked in to see if I was okay.

I've also been on the verge of passing out in the Splash Mountain line at Disneyland, passed out in the bathroom and fell in between the toilet and tub which gave me the gnarliest bruise on my jawline.  In fact, the bathroom is the source of most of my passing out episodes.  The hot water is the suspect, I believe.

And it appears that The Lime is following in my footsteps. 

We were leaving a friend's house last night, when The Lime tried hopping from the backseat to the driver's seat in the car.  I was already in the passenger seat so I whipped my arm across and grabbed him before he could hop over the console.  His car seat is directly behind my seat so with the little arm strength I have, I plopped him in his spot and we think he sat on his buckle.  He instantly started crying but quickly did the "I'm holding my breath and turning purple" routine.  My nephew used to do this and if we blew in his face, he'd gasp and return to his normal color.  The Lime didn't gasp and LaVor realized something was wrong.  He grabbed him out of his seat and The Lime instantly went limp.  LaVor jumped out of the car and yelled that he wasn't conscious and by the time I yelled, "WHAT?!" The Lime woke up.  Those mere seconds felt like an eternity that scared the snot out of us.  I can only think of a few times that I was so scared I shook, and this now falls into that category.

The Lime got to do whatever his little heart desired for the rest of the night.  Taco Bell for dinner?  Sure!  Stay up 'til 10?  Why not!

I now vow to make sure his seat belt buckle is out of the way before I put The Lime in his car seat.

And for laughs...my band picture.  I'm the 3rd in from the right in the front row (also the only white girl).

There Are Bad People Everywhere

There were several instances growing up, where I felt unsafe in my home.  One in particular, happened when I was in, I want to say, 2nd grade.

We were all getting ready to sit down at the dinner table when we heard a commotion outside.  Two houses down from ours, a boy was beat with a tire iron by a group of 4 boys.  He was left in the neighbor's driveway, bleeding profusely.  The cops came, a crowd gathered, and I was scared.  I tried to convince my mom that we needed to move up to Fort Bragg, where my Omi lived, because nothing like that ever happened there.  She assured me that bad people were everywhere and no matter where we lived, we couldn't escape them.

I hate that she's right.  And not because I want her to be wrong, but I hate that there's bad people everywhere.

We don't live in the safest part of town but I know it could be worse.  We're mostly tired of the constant barking of dogs, which happens all.the.dang.time.  We would love to be able to go in our backyard or front yard without a symphony of barks. 

I had fasted yesterday, to know if we should move or not, but hadn't received any sort of revelation or feeling all morning.  As we pulled up to our house after church, there were 3 cops across the street, but we couldn't see anything interesting.  While reading the paper online last night, apparently there was a shooting, hence the law enforcement presence.  I certainly wasn't expecting that kind of answer.  The only details I found out were a blue SUV was the suspect vehicle and they shot at, but missed, people walking down the street.  Seriously?!  In broad daylight, on Easter Sunday, with families outside?  I don't know if I'm more mad or scared.  The Lime and I are outside all the time and the thought of creeps shooting other people obviously sends a shiver up my spine but it also makes my blood boil. 

I have this sign hanging in our home, and I agree with it 100%.  We do not need anything big or fancy but I might need to add "and safe" after small.

When it comes to shootings or dogs, I'll pick the dogs.  But I might need to start a neighborhood watch. 

For real.

You Think You Know

But you have no idea, what an ogre looks like.

When you hear the word ogre, you probably think of
But Shrek is far too handsome, nice, kind, patient, understanding, and smart to be an ogre.

When I think of the word ogre, I think of big lips, frizzy hair, the scariest, most condescending voice you've ever heard, loud footsteps, gigantic hands with gross finger nails.

Yes folks, ogres are real and I've run into one twice this week. And that was two times too many.

Time To Step Back

(In the waiting room. He has no idea what's about to go down.)

What a week this has been, in regards to The Lime.

I often think about what it'll be like when he's older. Will he be honest and obedient? When he tells us he's going somewhere with his friends, will he really be there? Will I have to accept some of the choices he makes even though I wouldn't agree with them?

(He hated his medical bracelet.)

The Lime needed to have a medical procedure done that wasn't extreme but would cause him to be put under general anesthesia. I expressed to LaVor my anxiety and worries about putting him under. He said, "Well then let's not do it." If life were only that easy. If we didn't like something or were nervous about it, don't do it. Unfortunately, I couldn't just opt out.

(Daddy showing The Lime his bracelet.)

If I could have the procedure done myself, I'd step right in, as I'm sure any parent would do. No one likes to see their child suffering. Not to mention, relying on someone else to ensure that my child would be safe made me a bit antsy.

(Reading about neighborhood animals.)

If I could be with The Lime for the rest of his life, to watch over him and protect him from any sort of harm, I'd do it. But at some point, as I did on Friday, I'll have to let him go and let him do things on his own.

(Procedure done.)

And hope that we've taught him well.