The Move...dun dun dun!

It's probably been just over a year since LaVor first brought up the possibility of moving. His boss mentioned, at one point, that there might be a job opening at one of their other stores, and he would have liked to see LaVor advance to the new position. Months went by and there was no other talk of it. Then it was briefly mentioned again but then put on the back burner.

About six months ago is when it got real. His boss initially planned for LaVor to start the new position in February but only if they hired someone for his old position. February came and went and nobody was hired. Then LaVor's start date was moved to April 1, whether the old position was filled or not.

I always told LaVor that if a move was for his job, I would support him 100%. But it's easier said than done.

Despite one of my sister's and my parents now living in the area we'd be moving to, I still had extreme hesitations. I would be leaving my job that I had for over seven years, the area that I knew and loved my entire life, my other sister and her family, good friends at church, and everything that I was familiar and comfortable with.

We had dinner with some friends prior to us leaving and they asked how we were feeling about everything. LaVor was extremely excited to start his new position but I was a wreck. Nicole shared a quote with me that she had hanging in her bedroom.

 

I exclaimed that my faith must not be very bright because I only saw a dark tunnel ahead. But I tried to keep that quote in the back of my mind during the process.

Four weeks before moving, I gave notice to my work. I believe the exact phrase when I told them we were moving was, "Oh crap!" It was very surreal and I didn't think leaving would impact me the way it did.

LaVor and I were on the hunt for a new house and spent hours searching through rentals. We looked at over ten houses and nothing felt right, which nearly gave me an ulcer. I worried and cried and prayed and pleaded that we would find a home. With just over a week before the move, we found a house and everything was set. The only thing was, I had only seen pictures of the house and was relying on LaVor to make the ultimate decision. Faith, my friends!

My last day of work was also my birthday and I was showered with hugs, gifts, sweet messages and love as my co-workers treated me to a going away lunch. With lunch ending, it was only a matter of a few hours when I would have to say my goodbyes and it was tough! A month later, I'm still crying thinking about leaving my friends. I was given a wonderful opportunity to dabble in something I never thought I would and I made some amazing friends and memories while doing so.

Christmas Party 2012

The last few days were spent packing and packing and packing.  The day before the actual move, we got our keys and I got to see the home for the first time.  It was the nicest out of all the ones we looked at but I think my overall negative feelings about moving trumped any excitement that tried to sneak in.

The Lime spent the night at my sister's house on Friday so we could start packing without a little person running around.  I was glad that he had one last hoorah with his cousins best friends.  My parents also arrived on Friday night with the moving truck and we couldn't find a reason why we just shouldn't start loading it up that night.  It was real and actually happening and there was nothing I could do about it.  We.were.moving.

Saturday morning arrived and the remainder of the loading took place as well as a whirlwind of cleaning.  As tasks began to diminish, people began to leave.  Soon enough, everything was ready to go and I had to say my final goodbyes.  I bawled the entire time I drove, which I shouldn't have done since The Lime was in the car.  I bawled when we arrived at the new house, I bawled when I returned the moving truck, and I'm sure I cried that night.

It's been a month since we moved in and although I'm not bawling, I'm still getting used to everything.  I had to put my pictures on the walls during our first week here because I needed something familiar.  We've had one thing after another happen with our home but are now in a good place *knock on wood*.

I learned, throughout this entire experience, that I am not cut out for moving.  It has been an extremely difficult thing for me to take on, and not just physically (that was probably the easiest part) but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I have had to rely on my Heavenly Father a lot, and have seen the atonement firsthand.

Prior to moving, I was on my way home from work one night when a thought came to me.  When I was probably 12 or 13, I remember a new member of our ward reading a caption from Sister Okazaki in Sacrament meeting.  

"Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. 

But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. 

That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, "And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief. 

You know that people who live above a certain latitude and experience very long winter nights can become depressed and even suicidal, because something in our bodies requires whole spectrum light for a certain number of hours a day. Our spiritual requirement for light is just as desperate and as deep as our physical need for light. Jesus is the light of the world. We know that this world is a dark place sometimes, but we need not walk in darkness. The people who sit in darkness have seen a great light, and the people who walk in darkness can have a bright companion. We need him, and He is ready to come to us, if we'll open the door and let him." 

We sang Lead, Kindly Light at church on Sunday and a line in the second verse struck home with me.

"I loved to choose and see my path; but now, Lead thou me on!"

I am fully aware that I am a control freak.  I like to plan and execute my plans in a strict manner.  I am a "by the book" type of girl and hate being "free".  But sometimes I can't be in control and I have to rely on others, but especially Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I have certainly had to rely on them throughout this entire experience.

It is extremely comforting to know that when things get rough, that's when our Savior and Heavenly Father are closest.  Whether it be moving to a new place or experiencing a tragedy mentioned above, Jesus Christ felt it and overcame it so we don't have to.  We are not alone and will never be alone.

We just have to have a little faith.  Or a lot, in my case.