Defeated

That's the word I used to describe how I was feeling when I was talking to my sister the other day. The Lime has simply defeated me, won, overtaken the role of "boss".

I don't know how many times I've used the phrase, "I'm done" this week. Which is probably the reason why I can't get pregnant - I can barely handle the one I have, why would Heavenly Father throw another one into the mix?

Right after I had The Lime, my mom was over one night and said, "You guys are probably going to have six kids!" Parenthood was coming naturally to us, things were running smoothly, nursing was a breeze, I was calm and collected. There is only one night that I can remember where The Lime wouldn't sleep and we thought we were losing our minds. But really, we've been spoiled with the simplicity of raising a kid. Until he hit 3.

I know it's our fault, as we're the ones he's learning everything from. I don't know if it's because he's an only child, because we don't spoil him (at least I don't think we do), although I do admit to caving in sometimes to avoid having to listen to the whining and crying. But I've told LaVor every day, "I don't know what to do!" I am simply lost as to how to fix things.

My short temper certainly doesn't help the situation and I'm trying really hard to think before I react. I'm trying to pick my battles because, really, do we need to fight about him wearing jeans when it's 100 degrees outside? The constant "No!" and ignoring me completely is what gets my blood boiling. He simply doesn't listen, which might be normal for a three year old. I don't know, I've never raised one before.

This week has left me with a lot of doubts about myself as a mom and wife because I find myself thinking I'm not capable for such positions. It's also made me wish we were back home where I had a small outlet, to discuss my concerns and fears with people who have been there before.

It all seems petty, especially when I just read a blog post about a little boy, just older than The Lime, who drowned yet was able to walk away from the hospital two days later with nothing ailing him. I would obviously much rather take my situation.

As long as it doesn't continue like this for the next fifteen years.