An Explanation

I feel like I need to explain why I keep making our blog private, then public, private, and once again public.

If you look to the right of this post, you'll see a widget. Janelle is LaVor's cousin, who was diagnosed with lung cancer in August. To say it was a shock to her, her family, and everyone else is a complete understatement. She is a healthy young woman who leads an exceptional lifestyle, you would think lung cancer was the last thing that would plague her. But like mentioned in previous posts, cancer doesn't care who you are, what you look like, what your profession is, how many kids you have, nothing.

In the last two months, so many miracles have taken place and I know more blessings will come Janelle's way. Her positive attitude is going to help her win this battle, as well as the support of her amazing family and wonderful friends.

Within a couple of weeks, people have generously donated over $3,000 towards the cost of Janelle's treatment. The donations will be open for two more months and I plan to keep my blog public for that time. The more people that hear about her story, the more lives she'll be able to touch, and hopefully more people will be prompted to donate what they can to ensure she lives a long, full life.

For those of you in Utah, there will be a fundraiser for Janelle on November 30. If you are able to donate items to the raffle or have any questions, please e-mail janellesfight@gmail.com.

Trunk or Treat

The Lime has been waiting all month for Halloween.  Poor thing...especially since it's the last day of a long month.  We've had all of the components for his costume but they've had to stay hidden in my closet or they would have been worn daily.  I'm not for letting kids wear their costumes ahead of time...totally takes away the excitement of Halloween day, in my opinion.

Anyway, when I told him we were having a party at church and he'd get to wear his costume BEFORE Halloween, he could hardly stand it.  He got dressed a couple hours before we had to leave and I've got to admit, he was the cutest park ranger I had ever seen.

After we went camping this summer, and he saw what a park ranger was, he was adamant about being that for Halloween.  So we gathered a pair or olive green pants from Target, a khaki shirt from the thrift store, a ranger hat from the Halloween store, and a couple extra dress up props for accessories to complete the ensemble.

The ranger checking out our site

Our ward did a chili & corn bread dinner before the trunk or treating, as well as a few carnival games for the kids.  Thank goodness my parents came and filled up two extra seats at our table.  I can't quite figure out if it's 100% us or the people in our ward, but we have yet to click with anyone.  The only time someone came up to talk to us was when they asked if someone was using the extra chairs.  I've heard it takes two years before you feel comfortable in a ward.  If that's so, this is going to be a dreadful year and a half.  But that's for another blog post.

Omi, Lucifer, The Lime, & GrandPop

I had decorated our trunk like a campsite, including a fire, sleeping bag, backpack, and dutch oven (which held the candy).  The Lime thought it was pretty cool that he could fit in the trunk and even asked if he could sleep in it that night.  I think I remember an episode of Rescue 911 where a kid got locked in a car trunk.  I shot down his wish real quick.

Snug as a bug in a rug

Once the trunk or treating began, we only got through about a quarter of the cars before The Lime said he was done and wanted to go back to our car.  "What?!?!  There is NOT enough candy for the three of us to share," I thought.  He took a lengthy break and wanted to go again but unfortunately, a lot of people ran out of candy at that point, including us.  He still got plenty of candy that he's been sneaking ever since. 

His candy bag now resides in my closet, next to his costume, until Thursday when we'll hopefully get lots of Bottle Caps for Daddy, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for me, and Dum Dums for The Lime.

Pre-Pregnancy Announcement Tidbits

-- October 22, 2013 --

For as long as I can remember, I've had vivid dreams and I can usually remember them once I wake up. Last night/this morning was no exception.

I've been on this Temple Run kick and wanted to try one of the other versions. The Wizard of Oz looked appealing so I downloaded it a few days ago. Just like the movie, they have flying monkeys that chase you and randomly scoop you up. While I haven't played it in a couple days, it somehow landed in my dreams last night. I was at my childhood home, sitting in the living room, looking out the side window that led into the backyard. There were the flying monkeys, eating the brains out of a big gorilla as well as baby monkeys. I was able to save one of the babies but then the monkeys moved onto crows. Blech! Completely morbid and it woke me up. I had to think for a second if it was real or not.

Later on, I had a dream about this immaculate house that we found for my parents. It was old, Victorian, but had a touch of country. The rooms were large and the kitchen completely re-done. As I walked throughout the house, checking everything out, I fell more and more in love. There was a parlor, a family room, several different nooks that my parents could use as an office and craft room, tons of rooms upstairs with beds for us to stay in, a nursery with cribs lining the walls, and one large room with tons of beds for all the grand kids to stay in. It was perfect and only $250,000...but also in Texas.

Last dream was about school. I still have dreams about high school although I've been out for 12 years. I was all ready to go one morning and it was 8:30, school started at 9:00. My sister was just getting in the shower and I knew we'd be late, which made me extremely upset. We finally got on our way, only to find the morning traffic completely out of control. For this part, we were in San Francisco, and I was trying to pull out onto the main road but there were too many cars coming from both directions. Finally, a gentleman stopped traffic so I could be on my way and I zipped right along in my car. While I was trying to merge over, I switched to a bike and ended up riding next to Brian Amyx. Brian Amyx?! I haven't seen him since graduation and I haven't talked to him for even longer. Why was he in my dream and why did I almost run him off the path with my bike?

That's when I heard The Lime wake up and my dreams were over for the night.

While checking babycenter.com this morning, I came across this tidbit of information for today...how appropriate.

-- October 28, 2013 --

I'm not quite sure what set me off last night, but as I was laying in bed, my mind turned to The Lime not being my only child and I got really sad. Thankfully LaVor had fallen asleep before me so he wasn't aware of how upset I was. I'm actually surprised I didn't wake him up with my sniffing and body shaking.

Let me take you back about a year, when LaVor and I had been trying to get pregnant for four months. Like I've mentioned before, we got pregnant with The Lime fairly quickly so when it didn't happen that way this time around, it was strange. With each new month came another disappointment and I finally got to the point where it was normal to not be pregnant. I finally accepted the fact that The Lime was going to be our only child and I was fine with that. Because I love him to pieces and was grateful to him for making me a mom in the first place.

Then I started not feeling well (lots of different symptoms) and all the tests came back normal. On Saturday, September 21, LaVor asked what was wrong and I told him I just felt off. I don't know why it didn't occur to me earlier but I thought I should take a pregnancy test. The following Monday, I took one and within seconds it came back positive. After fifteen months of trying, we were finally having a baby. After wanting one so bad, I thought I would have been ecstatic but I wasn't.

I had my first appointment with my doctor last week and brought The Lime with me. We didn't tell him we were having a baby because we didn't want the beans to be spilled. When the doctor did the ultrasound, The Lime asked, "What is that?!" I told him it was either his brother or sister. He paused, thought for a second, and went back to playing. We haven't talked anymore about it, but will soon, so I don't think he fully gets what is happening.

I think my biggest fear is him feeling sad or left out. And while I know he'll be such a good helper, I just worry.

It all comes back to this dreaded word "change" that I can't stop talking about.

-- January 30, 2014 --

There have been some similarities between this pregnancy and The Lime's but also several differences.  It all started at the very beginning with being nauseous all the time.  While I never physically got sick, it still wasn't fun and I wasn't very fun to be around.  I tried not to complain, especially since there was nothing I could do about it, but I'm so glad that part is over.

Each week, it seems like, brings something new.  Overall, I think I'm gaining weight at a faster pace this time around.  And while I understand the baby adds to that (as of 1/16/14, the doctor estimated the baby to weight 1.5 pounds...more than most babies do at that point), as does the extra fluid and other changes to my body, I'm still not a fan of being big.  As shallow as it might sound, I prefer to be little.  It's a very odd thing to be skinny and then look in the mirror and have a basketball attached to your stomach.  I miss my waist.

I do enjoy feeling all the movement and have just started to see the kicks/wiggles this week.  The Lime asks several times a day, "What's Doodlebug doing?"  Most of the time, he's just there but every once in a while I can tell The Lime that he's dancing or excited.  He's most active from about 9:00 at night until I wake up in the morning.  Hopefully not a sign that I'm going to get zero sleep once he arrives.

Recent Outings

Not much is happening around these here parts so I don't know why it's taking me so long to post about our recent outings. The only thing I can come up with is that September was a go go go month and I'm enjoying not having to do anything, including uploading and editing pictures.

I wanted to visit the Jelly Belly factory before my sister popped with baby #2. Our parents joined us for the quick trip at the end of September (whoa! Didn't realize it was almost a month ago).

The Lime was so stinkin' excited and still screams every time we see anything Jelly Belly.  He was especially excited when, on the tour, he saw them making aqua marine jelly beans (his favorite color).  No pictures were allowed on the tour but you can see the aqua marine jelly beans on the car in the picture.

When the tour started, we got these extremely cool hats to wear (not cool) and mine wouldn't stay on...darn bangs. The Lime just wanted to wear his cowboy hat but it was either their cool hat or a hairnet. He opted for the cool hat.

They had lots of different portraits made out of jelly beans, including Ronald Reagan. He loved jelly beans waaaaaaaay more than I do. But if I have to eat a jelly bean, I would choose a Jelly Belly. Just not the vomit or toothpaste flavors.

At the end of the tour, they passed out sample bags of jelly beans, which I stored in my purse for safe keeping. I ended up packing one of the samples in my backpack during my walk, just in case, and I am so glad I did. On the second day, just as I was in the middle of the Golden Gate, I needed something but the nearest rest stop was still at least a mile away. The pear and cherry jelly beans gave me the much needed sugar my body was yearning for.

Fast forward to the middle of October when the same sister invited us to Apple Hill with her. It was Columbus Day and her husband had the day off so they thought it would be the perfect opportunity to head to the foothills. Holy macrol, was it busy! LaVor really wants to go back with us but I'm afraid what it might look like on a Saturday.

It took The Lime and I a little longer to get there than everyone else...don't ask. We arrived to the first farm to apple cider doughnuts and fresh apple cider. The Lime and I had just munched on some hash browns but couldn't resist the cinnamon and sugar deliciousness. Everything was soooooo good and certainly put you in the mood.

We then went to Abel's Apple Acres, a more kid friendly farm that kept The Lime occupied, up until he needed a drink of water.

The little maze they had set up was the only kid attraction open, and it was unlimited, so The Lime took full advantage of it. My niece had to take a potty break after a few rounds and The Lime refused to go in without her.

After a little snack we made our way to the last farm of the day, Boa Vista Orchards. This place was nuts! They have art & craft vendors plus fresh fruit and vegetables plus anything and everything apple you can think of. My sister got a couple pies for Thanksgiving and I think some pear juice. I know, sounds delicious!

A lunch stop wrapped up our day before we headed back home.

That's that.  Now that we're all updated, I'm going to go back to doing nothing.

Future Firefighter

For a while now, The Lime has expressed a desire to be a fireman. I believe the seed was planted when he viewed his first episode of Fireman Sam, seen on a rented DVD from the library. Since then, he's accumulated quite the collection of fire paraphernalia which he wears with pride.

He has his standard hat that he received from a fireman we met in a parking lot. He also has a generic dollar store hat. While watching another DVD about everything firemen (I swear that's not all he does), one of the firefighters reviewed their uniforms. He put on his hat and pulled down the visor that protects their eyes. "My hats don't have that!" The Lime said.

I was out with my mom and sister yesterday, looking for Halloween costumes at the thrift store, when I came across the perfect helmet. Apparently Goodwill is the Mecca for new Halloween costumes at insanely good prices. This helmet was sturdy, said "Captain" on it, and had a visor! The Lime was so excited when I gave it to him, thrilled in fact. And he's been wearing it ever since.

We were playing outside today, when he got our hose and started putting out "fires". Neighbors stared from their porches, people smiled as they drove by, kids admired as they rode their bikes along the sidewalk. The Lime is a hoot and takes things seriously. He hangs all of his gear up so it's ready to go whenever he "gets a call", just like the real firemen.

I have a goal, especially since we've already been here for over six months, to visit the fire station across the street from us before the end of the year. In the past, The Lime hasn't been too keen on being that close to the trucks but while we were in the city for my walk, he and LaVor ran into several engines and The Lime could hardly contain himself. Especially when he saw the hook and ladder (his favorite!).

I love this desire and passion that he has burning inside his little body. He would be the perfect fireman.

Especially since he's so darn cute.

Avon Walk 2013

How is it possible that it's been over a week since I completed the walk?!

I was extremely nervous for this year's walk. The most I had trained was six miles, and that was almost two months ago. I kept telling myself, "You've done this before, you can do it again." But deep down, I wasn't so sure.

To save some money this year, we decided to stay with LaVor's parents Friday night and I would drive into the city Saturday morning. The last bus is scheduled to leave the host hotel at 5:30 in order to get to the opening ceremonies on time. This meant I'd have to get up before 4:00 in order to get ready and make the drive into the city. I tried to get to bed early Friday night but was so paranoid that I'd miss my alarm, I ended up waking up every hour to check my clock. When my alarm finally went off, I thought, "Who gets up this early to walk 26 miles?!" I do!

It was pitch black outside and the freeway was pretty empty, which made the drive into the city pretty boring. Sure enough, the line for the buses was wrapped around the building, like in previous years, leaving me to think that I probably could have slept for another 10 minutes. Oh well.

I found an empty seat on the bus and chatted with the woman, also walking by herself, as we maneuvered our way to Fort Mason. She was an older lady, probably mid to late 40's, and was walking in honor of her mother-in-law who had recently passed away from breast cancer. It was her first walk and she was excited but nervous, so I gave her what little advice I have. We walked to the ceremony together and ended up parting ways.

As tradition, I signed my name on the inflatable column, grabbed some breakfast, and waited for the ceremony to begin. Last year was freezing so I brought an extra sweater this year, which ended up staying wrapped around my waist the whole day.

While I LOVE doing the walk, I do think they need to switch things up. The format is the same every year, the videos they use have been the same, I think the speech the coordinator gives is even the same. I didn't take as many pictures this year for that very reason...they'd be the same as the last two years. The one thing that was different this year was the amount the San Francisco walk earned...$4.2 million! Woo hoo!

The beginning is always a challenge, as a thousand walkers are trying to get out of the park and people are trying to get their pace going. Our route took us along the water, through Fisherman's Wharf, pass the piers and then up Market and through the Financial District. We walk through Chinatown, North Beach, and end up on Polk but turn onto another street before we hit the ghetto. We then walk through the ritzy part of town, up a giant hill (where the paramedics wait at the top...no lie), and then back down the hill, along the Presidio. While walking down the hill, I came up behind a familiar person...Margie, the lady I met on the bus! We caught each other up on how we were doing and walked together up until her family met her at Crissy Field. From there, we walk up another hill, which gives you the perfect shot of the Golden Gate Bridge. Walking across the bridge is another challenge, especially with the runners and tourists. Thankfully the bikers have been moved to the other side of the bridge...they're deadly.

I was text messaging my sister as I walked across the bridge, trying to figure out where would be a good place to meet. I ended up getting to our original spot quicker than expected so after stopping for a potty break and a quick lunch, I had something to look forward to after I climbed another hill.

These lovely ladies! This was the first year that Lori, my friend and former co-worker, was able to come cheer me on. It was such a treat to see them and to admire the wonderful work my nieces and nephew did with the signs. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then I continued on my way.

If there was one thing I learned this year, it was that I needed to keep moving. If I stopped or slowed down, the pain in my legs seemed to get worse so I had to maintain a certain pace. I tried stretching and drank more water this year than I ever have before, but I think it came down to the lack of training.

Because of where the Wellness Village and the Closing Ceremonies are, they have to alter the route a little bit. On Saturday, you have the option to either do a 23 mile loop or go an extra 3 miles so you can do the actual 26 miles. On Sunday, it's 15 miles from start to finish. When I reach the point of either stopping at 23 or going for the 26, my body always hopes my mind will choose the 23 but I just can't. Those last 3 miles are tough, especially because not many people choose to do the extra loop so you're pretty much by yourself, nobody to cheer you on. There is a pit stop on the extra loop and that seems to help...a little. But nothing helps more than to see the 26 mile marker...the end is near!

I ended up getting to the finish line before LaVor, his parents, and The Lime arrived, so I got to walk through it twice. Another confession...the finish is a little anti-climactic compared to the first couple of years. I'm always proud that I accomplished the first day but I'm more excited that I get to sit for the rest of the night.

With the generosity of others, we were able to get a hotel room in the city Saturday night so I didn't have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn, just the crack. Our hotel was about an 8 minute walk to the host hotel, according to Google. LaVor didn't want me walking alone but I didn't want him and The Lime to have to wake up to drive me. So I ran. What?!?! I don't know how I did it, but I did. I hopped on another bus and found another empty seat, this time next to a woman named Gina. It was also her first time walking and we enjoyed the drive to Corte Madera, sharing stories about our boys. When we arrived at the Wellness Village, the sun was beginning to rise and offered a beautiful pink backdrop.

With a full belly and stretched legs, I was ready to whip out another 13 miles. Except that I didn't get my annual picture with Indiana Al from KRTY! I looked for him all weekend and wasn't successful in locating him. Turns out he was there, which made me super sad!

The walk on Sunday is the same as Saturday, just in the opposite direction. When I started out on the long, boring stretch of path in Mill Valley, I once again recognized the lady in front of me...Margie! We caught up, once again, and continued to walk with one another through Sausalito, down to Fort Baker. It really makes a difference to have someone to talk to and to help keep your mind off of your aching body. Plus, it was nice to meet someone new.

Going across the bridge was a doozy. I felt like my hip was going to crumble into a million pieces and I ended up getting stuck behind several slow people (remember...I needed to maintain a pace!). I was so stinkin' happy to get off that thing and stretch my legs. Plus...it's all downhill from there!

As I was walking through the parking lot near Crissy Field, I heard someone shouting my name. My parents arrived just as I was making my way to the Marina. I mentioned that I needed to keep walking (fast!) so I would meet them at the finish line. Just like Saturday, I arrived there before everyone else and got to walk through it twice.

I wanted to wait and see Margie come through and I'm so glad I did! She was quite emotional, which made me cry. I remember that feeling of, "I did it!" and she had a personal reason to do it, which I think added to the emotion. I'm hoping I see her again next year.

It is always an honor and my sincere privilege to be able to participate in the walk. I admire the women who battle this disease and do hard things every day. I had to remind myself of that often, "This is hard but people do much harder!"

I look forward to what next year's walk will bring.

Melt My Heart

I have to write this down because I know in 5, 10 years these words will not be coming out of his mouth.

A few weeks ago, we were at a friend's wedding reception, sitting at a table with a few of LaVor's friends.  We don't see them often so they were getting the 411 from The Lime.  One of the guys asked, "If you could do ANYTHING for a day, what would you do?"  The Lime tapped his chin with his pointer finger, trying to think of a great idea.  I threw out going to the park, playing baseball, reading his books but he didn't like any of them.  Then he got it!  "I would stay home and play with my mommy!"  Everyone at the table simultaneously said, "Awwwwwww!"  Meanwhile, I was stunned yet was filled with warm fuzzies.  "I'm doing something right," I thought, "if his dream day is to spend it with me!"

Fast forward to last night, with us sitting around the dinner table.  LaVor and I were talking while The Lime bounced back and forth between my chair and his chair, taking bites every now and then.  I finally asked him to stay in his seat and finish eating.  While still sitting on my lap, he said, "But I want to sit with you because I love you!"  That required me to cover him with kisses, which he then replied, "You're tickling my feelings!"

I have caught myself recently just stopping and staring at him.  He's getting so big and learning so much.  While I'm proud of the great kid he is, I am so sad that he's just that...a kid.  No longer my baby.  Although he has recently been on this kick of wrapping him up in his blanket and making him a Big Burrito Baby.  Then he screams because he can't get out of it.

While I know I won't always be able to wrap him up like a burrito, I hope I'll always be his #1 choice and I'll always be able to tickle his feelings.